|
|
|
A Beautiful Heaven Scent Enhances a Woman's Attractiveness
A fragrant heaven scent can be one of the most appealing features of a woman. Hairstyle, clothes and makeup are all important, but the fragrance and beauty of a heaven scent a woman wears provides a level of attractiveness that few other fashion...
Calling Forth a Soulmate
How do I draw a soulmate into my life? You don't. I've read plenty of books that tell you how to do it, but I don't believe for a minute that you can place your cosmic order and your perfect ideal twin soul is going to materialize just like...
Organise your garage sale - a step-by-step checklist
Garage Sale Checklist by George Grubetic Garage sales should be fun and hassle-free, with your goal to make some good money and off-load your unwanted items –our garage sale checklist is your hassle-free, step-by-step organiser for achieving this....
Three Kinds Of Baby Clothes
When buying baby clothes parents are suddenly inundated with multiple choices that can become quite confusing. How many cute and adorable outfits does little Bill or Hillary need? How many "Onesie" body suits are enough? For little people that grow...
Who will be their Guardian?
If you are like most people today, you do not have a will. The reasons for this failure are many, with the most common being along the lines of “I don’t have enough assets to worry about”, “I don’t know how to write a will”, or “Lawyers charge a...
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
Why So Much Infidelity?
The following article is offered for free use in your ezine,
print publication or on your web site, so long as the author resource box at the end is included, with hyperlinks. Notification of publication would be appreciated.
For other articles which you are free to use, see http://www.innerbonding.com
Title: Why So Much Infidelity?
Author: Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
E-mail: mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com
Copyright: © 2004 by Margaret Paul
URL: http://www.innerbonding.com
Word Count: 827
Category: Relationships
WHY SO MUCH INFIDELITY?
By Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
Megan contacted me for counseling because she had just found out that her husband, Jim, was having an affair. Although she was feeling hurt and angry, she didn’t feel justified in getting too hurt and angry because she had also been having an affair.
Megan told me that she and Jim still loved each other and they didn’t want to break up their family, but her discovery of his affair took her out of denial. She had been able to rationalize her affair to herself, but she couldn’t rationalize Jim’s. She had to acknowledge that something was really wrong. She was worried that this meant the end of their relationship.
I assured Megan that the affairs were not the problem but a symptom of the problem. It did not need to mean the end of the relationship. She and Jim could decide to learn about the deeper problems in their relationship and eventually create a much more satisfying relationship.
As a counselor, I hear this story over and over. Why is there so much infidelity?
Megan and Jim entered their marriage, as most people do, with the expectation that the other person would make them happy. They entered feeling some emptiness, unworthiness and insecurity, hoping their partner would fill them, validate them and complete them. Yet as time went on, neither felt happy, secure, filled or complete. They began to look elsewhere. Perhaps someone else – someone more attentive and more emotionally available, or sexier, or more playful would fill the emptiness, validate their worth, and make them happy.
The problem lies in how most people in our society view what makes them happy. Any TV commercial will illuminate the underlying problem:
* Get this car – it will make you happy.
* Get this house – it will make you happy.
* Wear these clothes. Then you will look good and get approval and that will make you happy.
* Go on this diet – then you will look good, find your beloved and then you will be happy.
* Take this pill – then you will be happy.
* Go on this vacation – that will make you happy.
* Get this toy, this appliance, this new gadget – then you will be happy.
But Megan had the house, the car, the husband, the children, the money, the job, the antidepressants – and she still wasn’t happy. So, she went looking for another person to make her
happy.
The problem is that as long as Megan and Jim believe that something external will make them happy, they will be unhappy, and they will keep looking for another person, better sex, a bigger house, and so on to make them happy.
Infidelity generally comes from the same inner emptiness as does alcohol and drug abuse, food addiction, gambling, spending, shopping, and so on. In the case of infidelity, the addiction is to attention, approval or sex – using another person to fill the inner emptiness and take away the inner aloneness. Rather than end the relationship, taking their emptiness and aloneness with them into their next relationship, Megan and Jim have the opportunity to do some inner healing work.
Megan and Jim decided that it was worth trying to save their marriage. They came to one of our Inner Bonding Couples Intensives and learned about all the ways they were making the other person responsible for their well-being and happiness. They learned the powerful Inner Bonding process for taking responsibility for their own feelings and for connecting with an ever-present source of love and wisdom to help them learn to love themselves. They discovered that they had no love to share with each other until they learned how to fill themselves with love and to be loving to themselves. They learned:
* To stay focused inward, on their own feelings and behavior, rather than have their eyes on the other’s plate.
* That their intention is the most powerful thing they have, and that they are either in the intent to protect against pain or the intent to learn in any given moment. They discovered that the intent to learn about themselves and each other creates intimacy while the intent to protect against being hurt creates distance.
* To explore their own fears and beliefs rather than keep trying to get the other to change.
* How to connect with their personal source of inner/spiritual guidance to help them know the loving action toward themselves and with each other and they learned to take loving action for themselves rather than try to get the other to take care of them.
By being willing to do their inner work and learn how to take emotional responsibility for themselves, Megan and Jim were able to create a much more intimate and fulfilling relationship. The affairs, rather than ending their relationship, led to creating a whole new and satisfying relationship. At this point, neither Megan nor Jim has any desire to have an affair.
About the Author
Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?" She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or email her at margaret@innerbonding.com.
|
|
|
|
|
|